Helen Marker Jones's funeral book is full of surprises

Helen Wilma Marker Jones
11 Apr 1904-8 Apr 1949

I recently scanned the funeral book of Helen Wilma Marker Jones, the mother of my step-mother Phyllis Jones. Helen died in Great Bend, Barton, Kansas at age 44 of cancer. At the time of her mother's death, Phyllis was single at age 25, living at home, and employed in their family business, Jones Laundry. 

Phyllis Jones standing at the
front door of Jones Laundry

Phyllis Jones at left. Her mother
Helen Jones at right. Jones
Laundry was at 1501 E. 8th.
Phone number was 394. 

In April 1949 my dad was married to my mother, Ruby Flanders, and my twin brother Dennis and I were almost 1-1/2 years old, living at 2201 Jefferson in Great Bend. 

Ernest, Ruby, Dennis and Becky Margheim 1949

By late 1949 my parents were separated and then divorced early in 1950. Dad met Phyllis in the Fall of 1950 so I didn't ever have a chance to know Phyllis's mother. But Phyllis reminded us of how old Helen would be each year on the 11th of April. I knew she loved her mother very much and was very devoted to her. I've been happy for Phyllis that as she was adjusting to losing her mother, her future husband came into her life, with his little twins, and partially filled the void Helen's death had left.  

As we grew up in the household of Dad and "Mom", Dennis and I followed the court-ordered visitation with our mother, Ruby, and her husband Don Craine until we were 12 years old, when that was discontinued, also by court-order. We knew our mother's immediate family, that of Milo and Nannie (Becker) Flanders, but we weren't allowed to mention them or acknowledge their existence when we were residing in Great Bend with Dad and Phyllis. Phyllis just wouldn't allow it. Consequently, we developed a mental scenario of complete division between our two families. There was no mingling of the relatives, no mention of one side of our family when we were in the company of the other side. I thought of them as two different worlds, with nothing in common except me and Dennis. 

As I've done family history research my eyes have really been opened. My first "shock" was in looking at the 1930 Federal Census for Great Bend, KS as I saw that 5-year-old Ruby Flanders lived one block away from 6-year-old Phyllis Jones. And Phyllis's two cousins, Marj and Dot Jones lived one house away from Ruby Flanders and her family. I KNOW they all must have played together. It was 1930! Kids played outside as often as possible and played with all the kids in the neighborhood. 

As I've recently reviewed the Funeral Book of Helen Jones, I've deliberately studied the entries of the guests. Again, I've been shocked. Not just amazed or interested, but shocked. Many of the guests were neighbors, as I've determined by studying City Directories and City Censuses for Great Bend, KS. Since I've worked the past 17 years researching my family history, I now recognize more names than I would have in the past. I'm going to show some of the entries and explain how they're connected to Helen Jones or to me, because many new stories have emerged. 

The first name that called my attention was Mrs. and Mr. C. W. Hand. A few years ago I helped Karen (Hand) Jaynes do some research on her family. Karen also serves as a Consultant in our local Family History Center and is married to Terry Jaynes, the brother of my husband's ex-wife. I referred to my RootsMagic database and determined that Karen was indeed the Grand-Niece of C. W. Hand. Dad had told me at the time of my research that Karen's grandfather and granduncle had been employed at Great Bend Packing Co., where my dad also worked for 54 years. As I reviewed the census, it showed that C. W. Hand was indeed a butcher at the "Packing Plant". I'm still amazed that my husband's former sister-in-law's granduncle was in attendance at my step-grandmother's funeral in Great Bend, KS. Neither Larry's ex-wife nor her sister-in-law were from Barton County, KS. I met Karen in church here in Canon City, CO in 1996. 

The surprises just kept coming. Look at this entry for Mr. and Mrs. E. A. Flanders. FLANDERS! The name we were not allowed to utter in the household of Ernest and Phyllis (Jones) Margheim. And yet they provided flowers and attended the funeral of Phyllis's mother! This was Everett Albert "Johnny" and Irma (Cook) Flanders. I learned by looking at the census that Johnny and Irma Flanders lived at 1416 8th St in Great Bend, just 1/2 block from the home of Jim and Helen Jones, who lived at 1501 8th St. In fact, I drove past their house for several years as I worked at that laundry through high school and college and had no idea my cousins were living there. Johnny Flanders was the son of Merritt Flanders, brother of my grandfather Milo. I knew Uncle Merritt, but had never met his son. I do have a lot of photos from the high school years of my mother Ruby with Johnny's daughter Betty.

This entry shows Mr. and Mrs. Harley Price. I recognized them as the grandparents of a high school classmate, Steve Price. And my database shows that Harley and Helen Price's daughter Judith married John Franklin Smith, the son of Ray Ross and Edna (Becker) Smith. Again another surprise. Edna Becker was the sister of my maternal grandmother, Nannie Becker, the mother of my mother, Ruby Flanders! There's the Flanders connection again, at the funeral of Phyllis Jones's mother! 

I've highlighted from this page the name of Mr. and Mrs. Harvey McCarty. Harvey's wife Laida played the piano in a western swing band that Dad played guitar and sang in when he was married to Ruby Flanders. Also noted on this page are Mr. and Mrs. James Hoge. I learned that James Hoge's wife Viola is the daughter of L. A. Palmer, Sr, and sister of L. A. Palmer, Jr, whose names follows hers on the register. I've prepared a chart that you'll see later in this post that shows the connection of the Hoge family to my husband Larry Jamison!

This page brought another surprise. I was aware that Mrs. Alvina Buehler was a close friend of Helen Jones, as I've written about previously here. Alvina was a first cousin of Ernest Margheim! Her father George Koleber Jr and Ernie's mother Amalia (Koleber) Margheim were siblings. I was really surprised when I saw the entry for Mrs. Herman Margheim. Remember this was April 1949. Phyllis Jones had not even met Ernest Margheim, but there's a Margheim at her mom's funeral. And Herman Margheim is a 4th cousin, once removed of Ernest. I found that Mrs. Herman Margheim was Georgianna Noblitt and the Noblitts were neighbors of Jim and Helen Jones.  

It's indicated on this page that Mr. and Mrs. Charles Pizinger and their son Donald were in attendance and provided flowers at the funeral. Phyllis attended a dance in Great Bend in the summer of 1950 with Charlie, Rose, and Donald Pizinger. It was Ernest Margheim who noticed her as he played his guitar on stage as a member Earl Haines's band. He asked her to dance. They were married 18 March 1951. 

Ernest & Phyllis (Jones) Margheim
114 E. 6th St, Hoisington, KS
at the home of Ernest's parents,
John & Mollie Margheim

I've prepared quite an extensive chart that illustrates many of the connections that I've discussed here. I'm going to prepare a short video to narrate these connections tomorrow and will post it here. All the names in red were present at Helen Jones's funeral 

You might think it's not a big deal to find connections and relationships among visitors at a funeral in a town the size of Great Bend, KS in 1940. And I agree. But what still stuns me is the presence of family members from my mother's side of the family at a function of the Jones family, my step-mother's family, since I was raised keeping those two sides of my family VERY separated and distinct, with not even a mention of their names (allowed) in each of the others' households! Oh, the things we aren't privileged to know as we grow up. But so blessed to learn about as we study our family's rich history. 

Cousins crossing the Family Lines

Pictured above is my mother Ruby Flanders and her friend Adeline "Addie" Kasselman, as they were shopping for fabric in the early 1940s. The digital photo came to me last week as part of a collection borrowed by my cousin Nancy (my mother's brother Albert's daughter) from my cousin Debbi (the daughter of my mother's brother Mervin). As I grew up I was well acquainted with Addie and her second husband Ray Buehler, as they were long-time friends as a couple of my mother and her second husband Don.

Ruby Flanders at left, Adeline "Addie" Kasselman
center and my mother's brother Mervin at right.

Let's switch to the other side of my family, my dad and my step-mother. As I was archiving their keepsakes, I found a scrapbook my step-mom Phyllis (Jones) Margheim had put together at the time of her mother's illness and subsequent death in 1949. I saw many cards in the album that were signed by "Buehler". From the sentiments she wrote, I could tell this woman was obviously an employee in the business that my step-mother's parents, Jim and Helen (Marker) Jones owned, Jones Laundry in Great Bend, KS. I also found this picture of "Buehler" in Phyllis's photo album from the 1940s.

My dad, Ernie Margheim, identified this Jones Laundry employee, dressed in her crisp white laundry uniform, as his cousin, Alvina (Koleber) Buehler. Alvina had married Elmer Buehler in 1939. It was only three years ago that, in my research of my dad's side of my family, I discovered that Elmer was a brother of Ray Buehler, husband of Addie Kasselman, friends of my mother Ruby and step-dad Don.

Alvina (Koleber) (1917-2000) and Elmer Buehler (1914-1947)

I remember the day in 2013 that I walked into my dad's room at the nursing home exclaiming my astonishment at this discovery. It's hard to explain sufficiently, but as I grew up in the household of my dad and step-mom, my brother and I were not allowed to discuss our mother or her family. Strong dividing lines were drawn and were never crossed. One part of my little world consisted of my mother, step-dad and her family, of whom we never spoke, but only frequently visited per court order. And the other part was my "real" life in the home of my dad and step-mom who I thought of as my family, along with dear grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. In my world, there was NO mixing of the two sides of my family.

So I was dumbfounded when I found this "mixing" of the family lines by someone who was connected to my mother's friends, and also a cousin of my father and was an employee with my step-mother at her family's laundry business!  

This picture was included in my step-mother's photo album. This is a picture of her parents, George and Mary Elizabeth "Lizzie" (Margheim) Koleber at their wedding in 1915.

George Koleber (1895-1962) and his wife Mary Elizabeth "Lizzie"
Margheim Koleber (1898-1979)

My great uncle George and great aunt Lizzie Koleber are pictured above with their youngest son Harold, while visiting me and my twin brother at the home of my grandparents in 1950. It happens that George is the oldest brother of my grandmother Mollie (Koleber) Margheim and Lizzie is the older sister of my grandpa John Margheim. 

Here's where this story takes an interesting twist. As I scanned hundreds of pictures last month from another cousin's collection, my thoughts have been heavily drawn to my mother and her family. I've written a few blog posts about members of her extended family, to the exclusion of my dad's family recently.

Last Tuesday, out of the blue, I got an email from another Koleber cousin which required that I turn my attention once again back to my dad's family. This gentleman explained that he found me through a Google search, knew very little about his father's ancestry and was hoping I could share information with him. As I learned a bit more about him, I discovered that his father was a BROTHER of Alvina Koleber! In fact, he's pictured here with her in this family portrait. Now what are the chances of this timing? 

Back row left to right: Alvina Koleber (1917-2000) and Hermena "Minnie" (1916-1986)
Front row left to right: Arthur (1921-1972) and Eleanora Koleber  (1919-1978)
About Christmas 1922

As I've shared Koleber family information with this new-found cousin this week, I've thoroughly enjoyed getting better acquainted with the family of my great uncle and aunt George and Lizzie (Margheim) Koleber. And I haven't really abandoned the research on my mother's side of my family, because of this interesting tie between the two families, being cousin Alvina Koleber Buehler, the one-time sister-in-law of my mother's good friend Addie.

I'll close this post with this photo of my dear grandmother Mollie (Koleber) Margheim at left and her niece (two ways) Alvina Koleber Buehler Krentzel Niver. 

More Connections to Addie....What Can I Say?

Adding My Second Cousin Betty Flanders to the Kasselman, Burhenn Chart

I've had fun recently discovering the many connections of certain people to my mother's Flanders family. My mother and step-father's good friends were Raymond and Adeline "Addie" Buehler. 

Adeline Kasselman Bryant Buehler

In a previous post I drew a chart showing how Ray Buehler was related to my father's cousin Alvina Koleber. And yet Ray and his wife Addie were good friends for many years of my mother and step-father. 

I've found that my mother's 1st cousin once removed Betty Flanders was also a first cousin once removed of Addie Kasselman Buehler, and was a first cousin once removed of my uncle Mervin Flanders, who was briefly married to Helen Burhenn, who was the sister-in-law of Doris Kasselman, another cousin of Addie Kasselman Buehler. 

It sounds rather convoluted, but I find the connections interesting and I enjoy drawing out the charts that show these connections. 

Dad's and Mom's Families Keep Connecting

Yesterday I posted a story that detailed some of the people on the left side of the above chart...from my Mom and Dad to Ray and Addie Buehler. My further research last night uncovered more of a connection from the Buehlers to the Burhenn's and again to me, as illustrated on the right end of the chart above. 

I discovered that Adeline Kasselman Buehler had a first cousin Doris who married Elmer Burhenn. And Elmer's sister Helen married, very briefly, my uncle Mervin Flanders. So you'll find my name at the bottom left and right corners of this chart. 

A Surprising Connection Between Dad's Family and Mother's Friends

The title of this post doesn't suggest anything surprising or unusual. Many couples have friends from one side of the family who are related to the other side of the family. But as I grew up from childhood, my dad's side of the family and my mother's side of the family were like the Hatfields and McCoys. At least that's what my stepmother raised me to believe, and enforced in our home. The two families were polar opposites and neither was ever spoken of in the other's home.

As I've done family history research, I've discovered quite a lot of connections between my mother's family and my dad's family. Another one came to light today as I visited with my dad about one of his cousins. I've drawn this chart to illustrate the relationships I'll describe here.

My parents are Ernest Margheim and Ruby Flanders. You can see in this chart that Alvina Koleber is a first cousin of my dad. Alvina's father (George Koleber) and Ernest's mother (Amalia Koleber) were brother and sister. Actually they are "double cousins" because Alvina's mother (Mary Elizabeth Margheim) and Ernest's father (John Margheim) are also sister and brother.

Alvina Koleber Buehler

Alvina was first married in 1939 to Elmer Buehler. The chart shows that Elmer's brother was Raymond Buehler, husband of Adeline Kasselman. I was shocked to learn this today, because Ray and Adeline ("Addie") Buehler were very good friends of my mother Ruby Flanders and her second husband Don Craine. Many times as I visited my mother in Wichita, Kansas her friends Addie and Ray were present. I went to school with their children as I grew up.

Adeline Kasselman Buehler

It's interesting to me that Ray Buehler's sister-in-law was Alvina Koleber Buehler. Dad has told me that Alvina was employed in the early 1950s at Jones Home Laundry in Great Bend, Kansas. 

Alvina Koleber Buehler in her
uniform at Jones Home Laundry,
Great Bend, KS

Jones Home Laundry was owned by Henry James "Jim" Jones, whose daughter Phyllis also worked there and in 1951 became my step-mother (as second wife of Ernest Margheim). Phyllis was encouraged by Alvina Buehler in August 1950 to attend a dance in Great Bend since she was 26 years old and single. Alvina knew that one of the band members providing the music at the dance was guitarist Ernest Margheim, newly-divorced father of two-year-old twins, Dennis and Becky (me). Phyllis and Ernest met at that dance and were married 18 March 1951.

Alvina Koleber Buehler is in the front row at left and 
Phyllis Jones is 4th from right. 

Dad told me today that the first time he met his first wife Ruby Flanders (my mother) he was also at a dance. She was dancing with a man named Ray Buehler! Dad was attracted to Ray's dancing partner so after the dance Dad asked Ray what her name was. Ray told Dad that he didn't know! Dad asked her to dance anyway....and they were married July 9, 1943. Eventually Ray married Addie Kasselman and the two were life-long friends of my mother Ruby and her second husband Don Craine.  

It just amazes me that all those years that I knew Addie and Ray Buehler as close friends of my mom and step-dad I had no idea Ray's brother Elmer had been married to my dad's cousin Alvina Koleber. And I had no idea that a friend of my step-mother was married to the brother-in-law of a friend of my birth mother. Even putting the names Koleber and Margheim in the same blog post as the Buehler and Ruby Flanders Margheim Craine names seems like pouring oil in water. But I've discovered and illustrated the connection and am now trying to let it soak into my boggled mind. The things we don't know when we're young and the things we wouldn't know if we don't talk to our parents and other relatives!