Cousins crossing the Family Lines

Pictured above is my mother Ruby Flanders and her friend Adeline "Addie" Kasselman, as they were shopping for fabric in the early 1940s. The digital photo came to me last week as part of a collection borrowed by my cousin Nancy (my mother's brother Albert's daughter) from my cousin Debbi (the daughter of my mother's brother Mervin). As I grew up I was well acquainted with Addie and her second husband Ray Buehler, as they were long-time friends as a couple of my mother and her second husband Don.

Ruby Flanders at left, Adeline "Addie" Kasselman
center and my mother's brother Mervin at right.

Let's switch to the other side of my family, my dad and my step-mother. As I was archiving their keepsakes, I found a scrapbook my step-mom Phyllis (Jones) Margheim had put together at the time of her mother's illness and subsequent death in 1949. I saw many cards in the album that were signed by "Buehler". From the sentiments she wrote, I could tell this woman was obviously an employee in the business that my step-mother's parents, Jim and Helen (Marker) Jones owned, Jones Laundry in Great Bend, KS. I also found this picture of "Buehler" in Phyllis's photo album from the 1940s.

My dad, Ernie Margheim, identified this Jones Laundry employee, dressed in her crisp white laundry uniform, as his cousin, Alvina (Koleber) Buehler. Alvina had married Elmer Buehler in 1939. It was only three years ago that, in my research of my dad's side of my family, I discovered that Elmer was a brother of Ray Buehler, husband of Addie Kasselman, friends of my mother Ruby and step-dad Don.

Alvina (Koleber) (1917-2000) and Elmer Buehler (1914-1947)

I remember the day in 2013 that I walked into my dad's room at the nursing home exclaiming my astonishment at this discovery. It's hard to explain sufficiently, but as I grew up in the household of my dad and step-mom, my brother and I were not allowed to discuss our mother or her family. Strong dividing lines were drawn and were never crossed. One part of my little world consisted of my mother, step-dad and her family, of whom we never spoke, but only frequently visited per court order. And the other part was my "real" life in the home of my dad and step-mom who I thought of as my family, along with dear grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. In my world, there was NO mixing of the two sides of my family.

So I was dumbfounded when I found this "mixing" of the family lines by someone who was connected to my mother's friends, and also a cousin of my father and was an employee with my step-mother at her family's laundry business!  

This picture was included in my step-mother's photo album. This is a picture of her parents, George and Mary Elizabeth "Lizzie" (Margheim) Koleber at their wedding in 1915.

George Koleber (1895-1962) and his wife Mary Elizabeth "Lizzie"
Margheim Koleber (1898-1979)

My great uncle George and great aunt Lizzie Koleber are pictured above with their youngest son Harold, while visiting me and my twin brother at the home of my grandparents in 1950. It happens that George is the oldest brother of my grandmother Mollie (Koleber) Margheim and Lizzie is the older sister of my grandpa John Margheim. 

Here's where this story takes an interesting twist. As I scanned hundreds of pictures last month from another cousin's collection, my thoughts have been heavily drawn to my mother and her family. I've written a few blog posts about members of her extended family, to the exclusion of my dad's family recently.

Last Tuesday, out of the blue, I got an email from another Koleber cousin which required that I turn my attention once again back to my dad's family. This gentleman explained that he found me through a Google search, knew very little about his father's ancestry and was hoping I could share information with him. As I learned a bit more about him, I discovered that his father was a BROTHER of Alvina Koleber! In fact, he's pictured here with her in this family portrait. Now what are the chances of this timing? 

Back row left to right: Alvina Koleber (1917-2000) and Hermena "Minnie" (1916-1986)
Front row left to right: Arthur (1921-1972) and Eleanora Koleber  (1919-1978)
About Christmas 1922

As I've shared Koleber family information with this new-found cousin this week, I've thoroughly enjoyed getting better acquainted with the family of my great uncle and aunt George and Lizzie (Margheim) Koleber. And I haven't really abandoned the research on my mother's side of my family, because of this interesting tie between the two families, being cousin Alvina Koleber Buehler, the one-time sister-in-law of my mother's good friend Addie.

I'll close this post with this photo of my dear grandmother Mollie (Koleber) Margheim at left and her niece (two ways) Alvina Koleber Buehler Krentzel Niver. 

More Connections to Addie....What Can I Say?

Adding My Second Cousin Betty Flanders to the Kasselman, Burhenn Chart

I've had fun recently discovering the many connections of certain people to my mother's Flanders family. My mother and step-father's good friends were Raymond and Adeline "Addie" Buehler. 

Adeline Kasselman Bryant Buehler

In a previous post I drew a chart showing how Ray Buehler was related to my father's cousin Alvina Koleber. And yet Ray and his wife Addie were good friends for many years of my mother and step-father. 

I've found that my mother's 1st cousin once removed Betty Flanders was also a first cousin once removed of Addie Kasselman Buehler, and was a first cousin once removed of my uncle Mervin Flanders, who was briefly married to Helen Burhenn, who was the sister-in-law of Doris Kasselman, another cousin of Addie Kasselman Buehler. 

It sounds rather convoluted, but I find the connections interesting and I enjoy drawing out the charts that show these connections. 

Dad's and Mom's Families Keep Connecting

Yesterday I posted a story that detailed some of the people on the left side of the above chart...from my Mom and Dad to Ray and Addie Buehler. My further research last night uncovered more of a connection from the Buehlers to the Burhenn's and again to me, as illustrated on the right end of the chart above. 

I discovered that Adeline Kasselman Buehler had a first cousin Doris who married Elmer Burhenn. And Elmer's sister Helen married, very briefly, my uncle Mervin Flanders. So you'll find my name at the bottom left and right corners of this chart. 

A Surprising Connection Between Dad's Family and Mother's Friends

The title of this post doesn't suggest anything surprising or unusual. Many couples have friends from one side of the family who are related to the other side of the family. But as I grew up from childhood, my dad's side of the family and my mother's side of the family were like the Hatfields and McCoys. At least that's what my stepmother raised me to believe, and enforced in our home. The two families were polar opposites and neither was ever spoken of in the other's home.

As I've done family history research, I've discovered quite a lot of connections between my mother's family and my dad's family. Another one came to light today as I visited with my dad about one of his cousins. I've drawn this chart to illustrate the relationships I'll describe here.

My parents are Ernest Margheim and Ruby Flanders. You can see in this chart that Alvina Koleber is a first cousin of my dad. Alvina's father (George Koleber) and Ernest's mother (Amalia Koleber) were brother and sister. Actually they are "double cousins" because Alvina's mother (Mary Elizabeth Margheim) and Ernest's father (John Margheim) are also sister and brother.

Alvina Koleber Buehler

Alvina was first married in 1939 to Elmer Buehler. The chart shows that Elmer's brother was Raymond Buehler, husband of Adeline Kasselman. I was shocked to learn this today, because Ray and Adeline ("Addie") Buehler were very good friends of my mother Ruby Flanders and her second husband Don Craine. Many times as I visited my mother in Wichita, Kansas her friends Addie and Ray were present. I went to school with their children as I grew up.

Adeline Kasselman Buehler

It's interesting to me that Ray Buehler's sister-in-law was Alvina Koleber Buehler. Dad has told me that Alvina was employed in the early 1950s at Jones Home Laundry in Great Bend, Kansas. 

Alvina Koleber Buehler in her
uniform at Jones Home Laundry,
Great Bend, KS

Jones Home Laundry was owned by Henry James "Jim" Jones, whose daughter Phyllis also worked there and in 1951 became my step-mother (as second wife of Ernest Margheim). Phyllis was encouraged by Alvina Buehler in August 1950 to attend a dance in Great Bend since she was 26 years old and single. Alvina knew that one of the band members providing the music at the dance was guitarist Ernest Margheim, newly-divorced father of two-year-old twins, Dennis and Becky (me). Phyllis and Ernest met at that dance and were married 18 March 1951.

Alvina Koleber Buehler is in the front row at left and 
Phyllis Jones is 4th from right. 

Dad told me today that the first time he met his first wife Ruby Flanders (my mother) he was also at a dance. She was dancing with a man named Ray Buehler! Dad was attracted to Ray's dancing partner so after the dance Dad asked Ray what her name was. Ray told Dad that he didn't know! Dad asked her to dance anyway....and they were married July 9, 1943. Eventually Ray married Addie Kasselman and the two were life-long friends of my mother Ruby and her second husband Don Craine.  

It just amazes me that all those years that I knew Addie and Ray Buehler as close friends of my mom and step-dad I had no idea Ray's brother Elmer had been married to my dad's cousin Alvina Koleber. And I had no idea that a friend of my step-mother was married to the brother-in-law of a friend of my birth mother. Even putting the names Koleber and Margheim in the same blog post as the Buehler and Ruby Flanders Margheim Craine names seems like pouring oil in water. But I've discovered and illustrated the connection and am now trying to let it soak into my boggled mind. The things we don't know when we're young and the things we wouldn't know if we don't talk to our parents and other relatives!