A marriage connects my birth mother and step-mother

The charts shown above show how my brain works when discovering connections in my family history. At the top right we start with H James "Jim" Jones and Helen Marker whose daughter was Phyllis J Jones, my step-mother by her marriage to my father Ernest Margheim. Ernest's first wife Ruby Flanders was my mother. My name "Mary Rebecca Margheim" is shown highlighted in yellow. 

We can see that another daughter of Jim Jones, by his first wife Minnie Kite, was Katherine Jones, who married Homer Dyer. Katherine and Homer had a son Paul, who married Julitta Elsen. Paul and Julitta's son was Steve Dyer.

As I grew up, we visited frequently with and were close friends of Paul and Julitta and their family. Since I lived with my dad and step-mother I really felt like Steve Dyer was my cousin. 

Julitta Elsen Dyer

Steve Dyer with daughters Justine (left) and Maleah 
(2nd from left), granddaughter Leah (standing) 
and my dad Ernest Margheim seated in front. 

The chart above also shows that Julitta Elsen Dyer's parents were Nicholas Elsen and Emelia Schwartz. As the daughter of John Schwartz and Elizabeth Geiger, Emelia's had brother William P. Schwartz, whose son was Maurice Schwartz. Maurice's son is Robert Schwartz, who's married to Barbara Jane Smith. 

The chart at the bottom of the illustration shows that Barbara Smith Schwartz is MY second cousin. Her father Wilmer Smith was the son of Edna Becker and Ray R Smith. Edna's sister was Nannie Becker, wife of Milo Flanders. Nannie and Milo were the parents of my mother Ruby Flanders. 

Left to right: Mabel (Becker) Lillich, Esta 
(Becker) Batchman, Lew Becker, Edna (Becker) 
Smith, Bert Becker, Nannie (Becker) Flanders

Just in the past few months have I become acquainted with my second cousin Barbara Smith Schwartz through Facebook. I recently posted a comment about my discovery of another family connection that involved Julitta Elsen Dyer. When I saw a reply comment from my cousin (through my MOTHER'S family!!) Barbara Smith Schwartz asking how I knew Julitta Dyer, I was surprised that she was asking about someone connected to my STEP-MOTHER'S family. As I noticed Barbara's husband was named Schwartz, I recalled that Julitta's ancestry included that Schwartz name too. Barbara gave me the missing link....her husband's ancestry, and I was able to prepare the chart at the top of this post.  

It's surely hard for any reader to understand the significance of this discovery and these connections. It's one of those cases where "you had to be there". I can't begin to explain the division between my two families...my mother/step-father and my father/step-mother. Because of hard feelings, the division was wider than the parted Red Sea. As I grew up, I thought of them as two separate worlds, with no connection except for me and my twin brother Dennis. We were the joining link. 

Dennis, Becky, Phyllis, Ernest Margheim 1965

Left to right back row: Becky, Dennis, and 
Diane (Mason) Margheim, Don and Ruby 
(Flanders, Margheim) Craine; Front row 
left to right Jill, Jenice and Julie Craine,
About 1969 

 So as I discover more connecting links, I'm just "blown away". They are of major significance to me. I have fun illustrating all the connections. Sometimes it seems I'm going in circles, but they make sense to me. 

Eight Generations with Photos

I have photos of three of my sets of great-grandparents, but not the fourth. But being 67 years old, I'm in the position of having photos of ancestors as well as many of their descendants. I have to credit Facebook for this, because I can be in touch with distant cousins and their children today.  

My step-mother Phyllis (Jones) Margheim (at right in the photo above) had a half-sister Katherine (Jones) Dyer, who is pictured at left. Phyllis and Katherine share their father Henry James "Jim" Jones, whose name at birth was James Robert Smith. Jim is pictured below with daughters Katherine, Phyllis and his 3rd wife Laura (Maupin) Jones.

One of Katherine's sons was Paul Dyer, who married Julitta (Elsen) Dyer January 4, 1954 (pictured below). 

Paul and Julitta had four children, one of whom was Larry Dyer. Larry has a daughter Ashlea, who also has a daughter Peyton. As a teenager I knew Larry Dyer and his parents, but have only met Ashlea and her family on Facebook. It's wonderful that the younger generation so freely posts pictures of themselves and their families. I've gathered some really cute photos of Peyton, thanks to Ashlea for sharing so often.

I woke up this morning thinking of Peyton and I realized I have pictures of her ancestors that cover eight generations! So I spent some time earlier today preparing this chart for her. 

How many of us would love to have a relationship chart showing our ancestors seven generations back, with photos too? I sure would. I'm happy that I knew the people at least back to my (step)grandfather, Jim Jones, who was born in 1889. And I'm very grateful that, through Facebook, I've come to know who Ashlea and Peyton Riley are! 

Closed Windows and Open Doors

There's an expression among Christians "When God closes a door, he opens a window". I know the reference this expression is making. But I'm going to change the expression to my own version: "When God shuts a window, he opens a door". When we let people into our homes, it's through the front door. When we invite people into or 'back into' our lives, it's through the front door. 

In March 1976 my step-mother's father died. My step-mom was very devoted and loyal to her father, having worked for him all her life to that point. He was the strong core of her life. But the void left in her life when his spirit fled through that window was filled immensely just 3 months later when the door of adoption opened and brought my son, her only grandson, into our lives. There isn't enough time or room to write about what that blessing meant to her. But as life left her, new life came to her.    

Paul Dyer and niece Patti Wray Milburn

Earlier this week, Paul Dyer, my step-mom's nephew passed away. He 
would be my cousin (through marriage). While I was processing his death and recalling memories of his life as it intertwined with mine, I promptly received an email from another cousin Cheryl, (through marriage in my step-mother's family) whom I have not seen for at least 50 years. I had no way to find her contact information, but have wanted to send her many of the old family pictures I've been digitizing. She found a photo of her

grandmother's headstone on my web site. Her grandmother was my step-mom's step-mother, Laura Evans Jones, pictured below with my step-mother's dad, my Grandpa Jones. 

Cheryl, with her grandmother and my grandfather,
Jim and Laura Jones

A new door opened as this "cousin" Cheryl and I are now corresponding and sharing family information and getting re-acquainted more than 50 years later.

Linda Diane (Mason) Margheim
1947-2014

Yesterday morning I was saddened to learn of the passing of the friend who was my sister-in-law for more than 30 years. Her friend Ann Beebe shared this photo of Diane (Mason) Margheim on facebook. Another sweet spirit passing through that window of life, to join with the angels of heaven.  

While commenting on facebook about Diane's passing this morning, I noticed a reply/question by someone named Milli Wood, asking if Diane was related to the Dennis Margheim who lived at 22nd & Jefferson in Great Bend, KS in the 1960s. I immediately knew who Milli was, though she's not my facebook friend, and not anyone in my life right now.

I replied to Milli that Diane had been married to Dennis Margheim and that I was Dennis's sister. I knew I was

Milli Donner Wood

commenting to Milli Donner Wood, who served as our babysitter when we were in the 5th and 6th grade. I just knew it! We haven't seen each other since the early 1960s when Milli got married. My last memory of seeing her was at her wedding on an August 10th. It's interesting to note that Dennis and Diane also got married on an August 10th.

We know that people come and go in our lives. It's my experience that it's often in the reverse order. When people go from our lives, others come into our lives, usually within a close proximity of time. I've experienced that twice just in the last few days! 

Larry W. Dyer: Essay Winner

"America was a great land when Columbus discovered it; Americans have made of it a great nation.

"The men who founded our government did their work well, and loyal American citizens have preserved and added to what the founders of our government so firmly established. 

"What shall we do about it? Shall we strive to prepare ourselves to meet the duties that will come to us? Will future citizens of America look back upon our deeds and feel that we did our part well?

"These are questions which the boys and girls of today must answer without hesitation or faltering. If the America of the future is to fulfill the dreams of the early patriots, everyone must do his part.

"Brave men and women gave their lives, their fortunes, their all, that we might enjoy the priceless gift of a governement established upon the principles of freedom, equality, justice and humanity. If we remember their brave deeds and sacrifices, we will try harder to do our part to preserve all that has been placed in our care.

"A wonderful plan of self-government was not the only thing our forefathers handed down to us. They left us many fine national ideals which every loyal American should strive to uphold; ideals of honest endeavor, of ceaseless industry, of untiring perseverance, of unselfish services to the country they loved and longed to pass on to their descendants, enlarged and enriched.

As Lyman Abbott, a distinguished American author, journalist, and preacher has well said 'A nation is made great not by its fruitful acres, but by the men who cultivate them; not by its great forests, but by the men who use them, not by its mines, but by the men who work in them, not by its railroads, but by the men who build and run them'.

"We honor and love men like Washington, Lincoln, and Roosevelt because we believe their efforts for the public good were the result of their high ideals of honor and truth, their loyalty to the best interests of the country and their desire to serve their fellowmen." -- Larry W. Dyer

This essay was written by Larry Wayne Dyer, the nephew of my step-mother. It was published in a newspaper in Oklahoma in the early 1950s, as Larry was born in 1935. From the newspaper clipping that my mother saved, I'm able to see that it was published on page 7, but she didn't save the name of the newspaper from the header. 

The Editor's Note explains: "Larry Dyer wrote the second place essay on the subject, 'Our Great American Heritage--Liberty' in the American Legion Auxiliary contest. I'm posting this so members of his extended family can read it. Many of them didn't know Larry very well, as he passed away at the age of 28, in 1964.